I met with a client to discuss a workshop I’m developing, and before either of us realised it we were deep in a conversation about parenting and leadership.
He was telling me about a book he’s reading and how he has had to unlearn the leadership lessons he inherited from his father.
Within minutes we were talking about the parent–child relationship and how hard it can be to break away from the models we grew up with.
It was an unexpectedly intense moment of honesty, reflection, and connection.
When we finally paused, we both blinked and I said, “Well, that went deep pretty quickly.”
And it made me think about small talk.
An article had landed in my inbox recently arguing that we need to ask better questions to have more meaningful conversations.
And while that’s true, we also need to be careful not to go too deep too quickly.
One of the suggested questions was, “What would someone need to know about you in order to be your best friend?”
If someone asked me that at a networking event, I would smile politely and say, “Oh heavens, is that the time? I need to go.”
And I don’t think I’d be alone.
Rapport and trust are built over time.
I think of it like a suspension bridge.
Each cable represents a positive interaction, and the more cables you have, the stronger the bridge becomes.
The client I met with is someone I’ve known for years.
We’ve had plenty of light, work-related conversations.
Over time we’ve built trust, mutual respect, and a sense of safety.
So when the conversation naturally shifted into something more personal, neither of us was startled.
The bridge was already there.
Deep conversations matter.
But so do the small, seemingly superficial ones.
They’re the foundation that lets us span the gap between us.
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